Have you ever had someone walk in on you when you were in the middle of doing something that suddenly became extremely embarressing simpy because somone else was there? Changing, taking a shower, ect. - remember that feeling?
I found yesterday that someone else reads this journal. My first reaction went something like, "Oh crud! Someone read THAT?!"
All in all though, it's not a bad thing. Yes, it makes it a little harder to be totally honest; but since I have no clue who the guy is, it's not as hard as if Joe (for example) had stumbled across the right URL.
Right ho then - back to writing once or (at the max) twice a week here and spending the rest of the time at my other journal. Oh & Cilla - don't act.
54 comments:
You are safe, I can't read. {=0)
Not only that, but look! Gullible is written on the ceiling!!
Cilla
How am I supposed to know that? I can't read remember? Sheesh!
*raises eyebrows*
*grins*
wow your quick...we may need to upgrade to e-mail or something.
I am sorry but I have to ask, how old are you? I have always been told it is rude to ask a lady her age but I think you are pretty close to my age so it shouldn't be rude. If you don't want to answer I'll go pout in the corner and try to figure it out. I was thinking you were about 20 but...I don't know.
Cancer....oh yeah! *innocent smile*
Yes, most people think I'm between 20 and 25 both in real life and when I'm writing. Actually, I'm 18 in July and I hate my age.
Since your next question will be "why", I'll answer that now. I hate my age because I make friends at my college classes, at the seminars I work/speak briefly at, and on missions trips. It's often been a cause of either laughter or extreme frustration to me that whenever I mention that I'm under 21 nearly 100% of the people I talk with suddenly get a glazed look over their eyes and smile politely before walking off. Still, it's good fun and a great way to test people's sincerity.
Wow, Intuitive as well. I would say psychic but that's the devils work so my mom says.
Your writing does seem to be that of someone way over 17 yrs of age. I won't turn around and walk off though, if I did I would hit the wall.
18 in July, I'll be 26 on July 2nd. We have something in common, I hate my age too. It needs to go backwards. Wait until you get up here. You'll be wishing for 17 again.
Yes, probably. (want to go back) Right now though, all my friends are in their low to mid twenties and I end up losing a good deal of them because I'm not. The one's that don't flee (Joe, Gar, Vanessa, etc) end up being great friends. Thanks for hitting no walls.
It's funny that you were born on the second. My b-day is the third.
When you get old you'll be the youngest and livliest of the bunch. It's good to have old friends. I bet that's where alot of your maturity comes from. Not discrediting God of course but still.
Thanks for hitting no walls huh? Like you would care, you wouldn't feel a thing. Besides, if you did see me hit a wall it would probably be funny and you would be rolling on the floor laughing while I'm rolling on the floor in pain. Thanks. {=0)
I knew your b-day was very close to mine for some reason. That's why I threw the day out there as well. Interesting.
I knew your b-day was very close to mine for some reason.
Yeah, I knew the same. I think it was the fact that Blogger throws out astrological signs like other poeple do candy in a parade.
Gullible is still written on the ceiling. *grinning*
Cilla
Hey now, I didn't mean month wise...I'd call you a smart ass but I don't want to offend you so I'm not. heh heh
We always got beads at our parades anyways.
Gullible comment twice. Now you have to explain. lol Are you insinuating that I'm thinking your gullible or is it the other way around?
A little of both, I think. You're stating the obvious (i.e. writing down "I can't read" and that you knew both of our birthdays were close when they're obviously within a space of 32 days).
I'm just picking on you.
Cilla
Wait, how is it obvious that I can't read?
32 days is a big space also, depending on how you look at time. 24 hours is an eternity for me.
I don't think you are gullible either, I'm probably the most gullible person in the world due to sympathy for others so yeah, I get taken advantage of in that way which is ok because I learn...
There should have probably been a period somewhere in there but I can't read so it's ok.
P.S. I'm Jeremy, not Charlie Brown. {=0)
What's funny about your taking years to get through a single day is that I'm the exact opposite. I lose track of what day it is and am convinced that yesterday's dinner happened just last week! I somehow manage to show up on time for various appointments and classes, but aside from that I'm hopeless.
The reason that it's obvious you can read is that you're responding in a legible written format.
Me, I'm the female version of "the fix it up chappie". Strangers walk up to me and begin telling their woes within about 5 minutes (yes, that actually happened). It's funny sometimes, but I love helping people out/making them smile and so that's the only way I'm really all that gullible. Even then, I've learned that some people need a pat on the back and others need a kick in the pants....*grins*
Cilla
p.s. Hi, Jeremy
Well, I just ate breakfast tomorrow. Don't try to figure it out, I have no idea.
You said it's obvious I can't read and now I am legible and so very confused so we can leave that alone. You succeeded...
It is a great feeling being able to put a smile on someones face or help them out. After a while of people taking advantage it seems kind of hopeless though. I am always pleasantly surprised by the values that some people still have so all is not lost and I will remain gullible, if we can call it that, for the rest of my life. I think I used to be a doormat in front of Apt. 1713.
Everyone needs a pat on the back and also a kick in the pants at some point in life. Right now I need a kick in the pants because I can't seem to get out from in front of this computer...
So it is.
You know I'm looking at the P.S. I wrote and the p.s. you wrote. I wonder if there is any significance, personality wise, in the case used.
p.S. hi back.
I also wonder if you can run out of comment room.
I have no clue if you can run out of comment room, but I've never had that problem. Also, I've seen over 700 comments on some blogs, so there's no way this post will.
It's been fun talking with you, but I've got some junk I need to get done. Godbless & I'll talk to you later sometime. (at some time or another I made it a point of honor to answer all comments left on any of my journals, so if you leave one I'll answer)
Have a great evening.
Cilla
It's been fun talking to you also, except for the picking on me. {=0)
It's also good to know that you have kept responding to me because you felt obligated...Thanks.
Now I'm picking on you.
You can write to me without me sending a reply to a post. I'm open minded and always listen.
I'm glad we met, it was for a reason. Lord knows I need someone that has faith...
sylentwitness@gmail.com
sylentwitness.blogspot.com
Take Care.
*laughing* I may be accomodating, but I'm not so accomodating as to spend an hour or more replying to comments just because I feel obligated! I had fun talking. I won't apologize for picking on you (mainly because I have a sneaking suspicion that you enjoyed it as much as I did), and I'll probably end up emailing you sometime in the future.
Godbless.
Cilla
"Me, I'm the female version of 'the fix it up chappie'."
I'm kicking myself right now for just now having this light bulb moment. I was looking for something you said to use as a comment on a picture and saw that quote up there (pssst, look up). I didn't catch it till now. That was one of my favorite stories when I was younger. The Sneetches! Anyway, I needed to share that. {=0)
"I won't apologize for picking on you (mainly because I have a sneaking suspicion that you enjoyed it as much as I did)"
That suspicion just whacked you upside the back of your head. heh
Take Care
Yes, the Sneetches! I was reading that book over and over again to some kids at an orphanage I visit bi-monthly and it seemed an appropriate enough quote. Ah and since you like being teased, I'll try not to let up.
G'night
You know I can't help but think how amazing you must be and in a way it makes me envious because you have so many values I believe in but don't act on. I say this because of the orphanage visitation and alot of other things I have read. I used to be proactive with what may have been what God wanted for me but as I got older I strayed. I don't know what happened but since we met I have wanted it all back. I actually 'prayed' last night for the first time in a long time. I mean pray in its traditional form, a heart to heart with God. It was very peaceful. I am a very spiritual person but for the past 11 years I have been spiritual in my own way. I meditate alot and took that as praying for a long time. Many people would argue that it is praying but last night I made a conscious effort to speak to God and it was great. Thanks.
and I'm sure you won't let up, everyone needs someone to tease I guess. {=0)
Congrats on the good dream last night also. My dream took place in a barn of sorts and I was smuggling money from bad guys or something. They were after me. Maybe tonight the bad guys will sing to me and they will gradually get better.
Until next time, Take Care!
Jeremy
Oh, I am so glad for you! Yes, talking with God is great, whether you've had a hard day or a great one. I'm happy that you were able to take the time to have a chat with Him.
As for me, I'm not Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King, or the Easter Bunny - you don't need to be envious of me! I mess up like everyone else down here. Where I follow what you call "values" it's because God helps me to. You've read my journals - you know that I struggle to stick to what I believe and that I often fail. The thing is, God uses the weakest of us (e.g. ME!!) to show His strength. (paraphrased: 2 Corinthians 12:9)
If your dream goes as anticipated then I hope you enjoy your "bad guy lullaby"! Oh and if you're not wearing green, pinch yourself for me because IT'S ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!
Cilla
So there is an Easter Bunny huh?
Your right, everyone does mess up, you just may have a better grasp on it all than most. I'm also wondering when I'm going to be used, I've already concluded I am weaker than you so what's the deal? lol
No bad guy lullabys yet, what a contradictory way to put it. I'm looking forward to the serenade though.
I pinched myself even though it is no longer St. Patty's Day. I completely forgot about it yesterday. My nephew told my son at which point they both ran in and pinched my behind. Yay.
Happy Friday!
p.S. just a reminder for you, today is the 18th. It's also March, not February. Thought I'd help you keep track. heh heh
While there may be an Easter Bunny, I'll make no claims on his behalf! All I'm saying is I'm not him (?her?).
As for being used, I think you already are - you make a great calander...*grins* Seriously, you've made me smile several times (thanks). On top of that, you somehow managed to convince me that just because you were reading didn't mean that I needed to change my writing style and that is quite an impressive accomplishment.
Cilla
You know, I am now going to spend the rest of my life trying to figure out the gender of the Easter Bunny. THANKS!
You're not the one that's supposed to be using me, you know that. lol I will try to keep my exemplary standing as a good calendar though. Like I said before, I used to be the doormat in front of Apt. 1713.
You have also made me smile so you deserve a Thanks as well.
I didn't even know I was convincing you to not change your style. Why would you feel the need to change it anyway, regardless of who is reading. I've learned from it and I'm sure everyone could. I'm in no position to be critical and judging of others, I just sit back and absorb most of the time so keep being you, it helps.
Just to let you know, I want to stay on here and talk even if the feelings aren't mutual but we are finally having a beautiful day with sunshine for the first time in I don't know how long so I am taking the kids into the woods on their last day of spring break and I am also going for the record of the longest run-on sentence so I will not be responding till later. *deep breath*
Take Care.
One more thing. {=0)
The Easter Bunny is slightly confused about its gender.
http://www.chiff.com/a/easter-bunny.htm
Jeremy
*laughing* I never had a clue the Easter Bunny was Californian...
I don't know what's up with Microsoft Outlook, but I just got all three of your comments in one big wave! Fun. *grinning* So, to take it backwards:
Have a blast with the kids & congratulations on your world-record run-on sentence! Glad to hear that you've got sunshine (even though you STOLE it from Flordia! We're cloudy and chilly today!! But then, I like that type of weather...*grinning*)
The reason I would change my style of writing in some cases is that, as I believe I wrote in one of my entries, I'm the poster-child for "Private: Don't Ask". Many things I don't share with anyone aside from my family and/or a few extremely close friends. Also, I hate hurting people and at times I write things that would hurt others just because it's what I'm thinking at the time (e.g. the thing I wrote "to" Gar yesterday would most likely hurt him). My head is a strange place to live, but I like it pretty well and I do my best to keep having me around a pleasant experiance for all.
I'll keep being me. Godbless & have a fantastic afternoon.
Cilla
Well, he could be from Austin also, there are alot of gender challenged people here as well. They compare this place to San Francisco. Oh Yay!
At least you aren't using Lotus Notes. I think it may be Blogger.com It has been running very slow for me the past three days. Whichever it is, just kick your computer, it should act right after you discipline it.
I didn't steal anything from Florida! lol You stole the bad weather from Austin. I like gloomy days also, but after rain for 2 weeks and rain every weekend for the past two months it is really nice to be able to go outside and enjoy nature a bit. I have a major problem with the sun, it is too bright! I need to install a dimmer switch on it one day then I may like it a little more. Until then I'll stick to liking overcast skies.
That's funny you mentioned the Poster Child comment again. When I first read it I spent a good part of an hour trying to figure out what that organization was and what it did. Then I realized it was an analogy of yourself. I try to analyze too much sometimes. Oh Well. I stopped writing because I couldn't really be honest enough to get into it. I held back for the exact reason you don't want anyone to see. I feel like if it is on the net it will be found at some point in time by someone I know so I just stopped and deleted everything.
I thought what you wrote to Gar was brutally honest but it was great that you can be so honest knowing there is a chance it could be seen by him. It may hurt him at first but your hurt as well and it would be good for him to know that.
The trip into the woods was pretty interesting. We attempted to build a fort. The trip was cut short by a wall being knocked down and a rock smashing the back of a head. So a knot and half a fort later we had a decent trip.
By the way, I think anyones head would be a very strange place to live. Talk about cramped. {=0)
Jeremy
Meh, I think that hanging out and doing nothing to my comp will work a lot better then kicking my wonderful black and silver Dell Inspiron 8100 off my desk. That and I don’t need any more practice on my spinning back kick...*grins*
Alright, I admit that I stole your cold weather – but you stole my sunshine!! I only want the COLD, not the CLOUDS!! Tell you what, give me back the sun, I’ll give back the clouds, and then you can keep the heat and I’ll keep the 58 degree weather – whadda ya say?
I’m glad you had such a great time with your son and nephew! Whose head got hit? And will you be finishing the fort?
I can see where some of my analogies would be confusing, but I can’t seem to write without them. It comes from all the training I’ve had in literature. It’s impossible for me to write, even for myself, and be satisfied unless I make it interesting. Analogies and various other things I put in have become a natural part of my writing and speech as a consequence of my perfectionism!LoL!
As for what I wrote to Gar – there’s more or less nil chance he’ll ever read it. He’s long ago forgotten the URL and isn’t the type to even try to remember it again, or so I hope.
*going to Publix & Blockbuster*
Cilla
Glad you can call yours wonderful! Mine sure isn't, it has been drop kicked to the floor numerous times already.
Spinning back kick huh? Hopefully I never cross your path the wrong way...your so small you might miss my face and kick too low. {=0)
I don't like your deal with the weather. Today was a perfect day. Besides, if I had the clouds AND the heat I would have that nasty humid heat I am so glad to be away from. I'm from Gulfport and Biloxi Mississippi and I'm sure you know what it's like also being so close to the coast. NO Thank You!!
Morgan smashed Brenan in the back of the head. They were throwing rocks into the creek or stream or brook or whatever you may call it and somehow Morgans rock slipped in the middle of the throw. I thought he threw it at me because it landed at my feet. Brenans cry meant something else, the rock bounced off his head, over to my feet. We had a good 15 minute walk home and a hike up probably a 40 foot hill. I'm surprised he made it. Bag O Ice and two teaspoons of Motrin made it all better. We will finish the fort next time Brenan is here. The two boys don't get to hang out much. His dad lives across the hall from me but is never home so we don't see Brenan when he is there. My sister lives across the property but has a new meat head boyfriend and they are always together doing stuff so Morgan and Brenan aren't so close anymore.
Your writing is interesting and a pleasure to read. It actually makes sense. I enjoy reading things that make me use my brain. It's weird in a way because I'm so analytical of what I read but I can't be of what I write. There is something missing.
Copy and Paste in an e-mail works as a great reminder for lost URLs.
Have fun if your not already back. lol
It seems a pity to have deleted everything in your journal on the off chance that someone would stumble across it. Still, I probably would have done the same thing if I wasn't so sure that no one would find this. I also keep writing in the firm belief that, even if "they" did, while it might cause some sticky situations for me, most folks would understand this journal in the light of my characteristic bluntness and forgive me (so long as I did not continue to write!).
Ah! A new comment! *goes off to read whatever you wrote*
I ignored the "or so I hope" part on purpose...he should know it.
I call my laptop "wonderful" because it is a major connection even with friends that live in the same state/city as I do. It helps even more with friends and family that live out of state or even on the other side of the world. I can honestly say that I have a copy of almost every messenger service out there! And Logitech's Quick Cam Web Cam 4000 has a mic built in, so there's no need to phone. Yay me!!
Time for the question section:
I'm guessing Morgon is your son? Happy belated birthday to him! And I like the smiley face he drew!
Also, you said you're surprised Brenan made it; does that mean he walked the whole way?
Thanks for what you said about my writing. I'm glad you find it interesting. Actually, journaling is one of the few types of writing I truly enjoy. I can (and, like all college students, do) write papers on any and everything assigned, but I don't like writing these even when the subject is up to me. However, when given a web-based journal I end up writing apprx one post a day (typically I use LJ). Strange things about me!
Hey! I'm not THAT short!! I don't think...how tall are you anyway?
Cilla
It's time to make dinner so I wanted to say Goodbye probably for the weekend. There is a huge Music Festival going on here called South By SouthWest (http://www.sxsw.com) and we'll be gone pretty much all weekend. I hope you have a great one. I'll try to send you some sunshine, if it doesn't happen, well, you'll just have to get by with the clouds. {=0)
One more thing, before you dog "What a Wonderful World" you need to listen to this version of it. http://www.audioblogger.com/media/51626/161377.mp3
It's 5 minutes long but give it a chance. It's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" with "What a Wonderful World" mixed in. It's really pretty. You may have heard it on some movies too. The two bigger ones that come to mind are "Meet Joe Black" and "50 First Dates."
Take Care!
Jeremy
"I ignored the 'or so I hope' part on purpose"
No. Regardless of what he should or shouldn't know, Gar has forgotten four-letter passwords I've told him. He's not going to remember a URL. Unfortunately, I think he's feeling guilty, and when people are guilty they don't want to be reminded of that fact. The last thing he'd want is to remember and/or read a journal he probably doesn't even remember I have. Hiding things in the open is best: no one looks for them.
Okay, as I posted that last one yours showed up. One more then I'm gone. For real. lol
Sounds like you have a nice laptop, I wouldn't be kicking it either. Wise Decision.
Yes Morgan is my son. Most people, that have never seen him, think he is a girl. It's funny seeing their face when I say, "It's him." in response to, "How old is your daughter Morgan?"
Yes Brenan walked...lol I wasn't carrying him the whole way. Crazy!! If I had to I could have from the adrenaline and fear but he was fine. You know how kids freak out sometimes. Especially the babied ones. He is very babied.
From what you wrote about writing college papers I would say you don't like conforming to others. lol
Your the one that put the shortness thing in my mind with how you write about it. {=0)
5'3" is a good height I think. I'm on the short end for a guy I think. I'm like 5'8" or 5'9" and if I were to be completely honest I could probably pass for 5'7". I have never measured, it isn't something I think about. I always lied when asked the infamous A/S/L? 54,Trans,456... leave me alone. I might get a picture up one day. It's nothing special though.
Now, I am going to make dinner. If you have posted again I am not answering it although I will read it. lol
Have a great weekend!!
Jeremy
Have a great time on the bottom and bottom-left half of the compass and, sure, I’ll give A Wonderful World one last chance.
Later!
Cilla
I'm going to continue ragging on What a Wonderful World. It's just not my type of song! *smiling*
I admit, I'm overly obsessed with my lack of height (meaning that I really enjoy it), but that's only because most of the people I know are so much taller then I am! I have friends (guys) that are well over 6 feet. Even some of the children I teach on Sundays see eye-to-eye with me on all issues...*grins*
Allow me to compliment you on your height.
Sorry to keep writing you, especially since you're busy. Well, kind of sorry. Ok so I'm not sorry! But, in repentence, I'm heading off to the kitchen to see if I can rustle up some dinner. See ya!
*scooting*
Cilla
I'm sorry if this posts twice. The first time I tried, it timed out although it sometimes shows up an hour later. Here it is again.
--------------------------------
Well then, you just keep on raggin it. *pouting* only a little bit. {=0)
Your height is a good height. Perfect for mine and I'm not going anywhere with that. I promise. Maybe. I'm teasing. lol Mostly. I'm just delerious. I shouldn't still be up but I can't sleep. I hate nights like this, when your mind won't quit racing no matter how hard you try. I can say ok, I'm going to think about nothing and it works for all of about 3 seconds and I'm racing again. Too much sometimes. Do you ever do that? Oh, I'm very good at rambling also at these hours of the morning. I tend to just let the fingers flow with no intereference of the mind. Liberating huh?
6 feet tall is too tall. Makes me feel inferior...lol Especially when I don't even come up to shoulders. I was always a fast bugger in school though. I had to run alot. Damn bullies. I never had to endure the garbage can as a freshman though. I hid in the lockers. My second home ya know. They have a great metallic rustic smell. Great for the mind I tell ya.
You have been allowed to compliment my height. *smile* I'm not sure why you would but Thanks. You know what I just remembered? Morgan has a Giraffe growth chart hanging on his door. I'm going to check, nothing else to do. One sec, like your really waiting but you know. Well, 67" according to Mr. Giraffe. 5'7"s it is. My license says 5'8".
Rustling up your own dinner isn't repentence for interrupting mine. Even though you didn't. lol You don't have to apologize for writing me anyway. Even though you didn't mean it. For some strange reason I look forward to your responses.
Keep on "scooting" if you want. You may need cheeck pads soon depending on how you are scooting.
I have to say one more time before I go, just because I'm dumbfounded by it in a way, your writing and just reading what you have to say amazes me for the simple fact you are 17. When I was 17 I knew no other 17 yr old to have the ability you have. I have never seen it until now. It makes me wonder how many wonderful people are really out there that are very gifted. I lost faith in most people from being walked on so I tend to pull out negative first so I can guard myself to a certain extent. Anyway, I need to shutup and try to go to bed.
If you get up early on Saturdays you might be up in an hour...so Good Morning!! and Good Night for me!
Take Care,
Jeremy
In tradition of keeping up my excellent calendaring skills...
The time is currently 3:33am.
The date is currently Saturday, March 19th, 2005.
Nite. {=0)
HEY! You really should put that post back up that you wrote at 1:30am I believe. The one that magically disappeared from LJ. It was amazing to read. Why'd you delete it?
It's another beautiful day here, I hope that sunshine I willed your way made it. We are going out to enjoy.
Have a great day!
Jeremy
Well, if I'm mature it's only because that's what God and hard knocks do to you. My life was orchestrated in such a way that I had a wonderful childhood and then needed to grow up very quickly. Thank God, He's been with me every step of the way.
67" isn't 5'7". Good news though: you're still a lot taller then me. As for my 6' friends (and most other people), I think there's something about being short that makes everyone else protective of you. Having discussed this at length with other short people, I have come to the realization that tall folk treat shorter ones with the same protectiveness that is extended to small children, but at the same time with the respect that's given to equals. It's really the best of both worlds! *grins*
I do (and did) get up early on Saturdays. Today I got up twice. I originally woke up around 5am but then decided that I wouldn't wake up Michelle. I then woke back up at 6, but again determined to stay in bed because my sister wanted to sleep in. I ended up leaving my room at 7.30am for breakfast (waffles). Yum.
You're right about LJ. I guess I'd better put it back up, huh? *nods*
Right ho, then.
Cilla
Hard knocks will definitely make you grow up very fast along with very strick parents, Fathers in most cases.
Everyone goes through rough times, hopefully they are smart enough to learn from them. Funny about your hard knocks comment, I seem to remember something I read that would at the present time state otherwise. {=0)
"Consequentially I think I'm rather spoiled. I need a wake up call every now and again to make me realize that the charmed life I lead doesn't give me the excuse to coast through everything without struggling to reach my full potential."
Regardless, I know it's not always peaches and cream, I'm really just teasing you.
Orchestration of life is a funny thing. You had a great childhood then had to grow up, "very quickly". (Which I am interested in but if I am to know about it then one day I will.) I had no childhood, grew up too fast and now I'm ready to revert back to childhood. Even though I can't I feel like one day I will be able to do my own thing. I have no control of what goes on here but maybe somewhere I will.
Ok, I have gone over this in my head numerous times. I am not a stupid person, not well educated, but not stupid. I have an IQ score in the top 6 to 7 percent of what they say is the "general population" yet for the life of me I cannot figure out how 57" is not 5'7". Please do explain that one!?
I however fo agree with you regarding the "protective factor" of short people. I adore short females, every girl I have dated has been smaller (shush on that sterotype, I blow many of them away) and there is some sort of protective duty I feel at certain points. Ya'll are so delicate and fragile. We don't want anything to break ya'll. lol
How considerate of you to lay in bed to let your sister sleep. Plenty of one on one time with yourself or whoever else you may want to talk to. {=0)
I had ummmmmm, a cheeseburger for breakfast. Oh Yeah!!
Thanks for putting the "pride demolishing entry" back on LJ. However gay this may sound, I really am helped when I read it and I have read it at least 20 times already. The part that just hits me and sends a wave of emotion throug me that I cannot hold back is, "I also blurted out that He wasn't real (meaning 4-D, translation: "I can't see You, smell You, or touch You. How can I know You?!"). That stopped me dead in my tracks and I tried back peddling, but He wouldn't let me. Instead, God answered. "I want to be."
What you wrote in parenthesis is what I have been saying for so long and when I read his response to you, in my heart it feels like his response to me also. I can't really explain it and the most I can say to you is Thank You. Somehow he is bringing me closer through you.
Not to long ago I worked at a Sears Technology center here in Round Rock. I had to test software, proof read it all and suggest changes. QA pretty much. (and that was spelling on the proof reading, my grammar sucks.)
Back to the point, this was a pretty happy time in my life so my spirits were high everyday at work. I loved the people I worked with and just enjoyed doing what I did. There was one lady I did not work with but had to pass everyday going to my cubicle. She loved to watch me walk by and she would just smile slightly. A very peaceful smile. I almost got to a point where I wanted to find a different route to where I needed to be because it became a little strange. I ignored the best I could but she continued to just look at me and smile everytime I walked by. After about a month of this I was walking by, she grabbed my hand, stood up and told me I had a beautiful light around me. She then asked me if I was religous and went to church. I was speechless, didn't know what to say. I was religous but I have not been to church in years. I didn't say a word, she just smiled at me and said, "if you aren't you will be soon." The feeling that came over me was unbelievable. It was a peaceful warm tingle and very emotional. I went to the bathroom, hid in the stall and cried but happily because I couldn't understand what had just happened but it did and it felt great. It was confirmation of sorts of what I knew but had never witnessed. Well, here I am today. Getting closer to God and still not understanding anything. I sin so much it's crazy. I don't want to but it has become lifestyle and I feel like I would have to leave everything and everyone if I wanted to do it the right way. Yet reading what you have to say, about everything, helps me out so much I wish I could just give you a huge hug. yU have no idea how much peace you have brought me in just the past week. I am happier at home, me and my girlfriend (She is Morgans mom and I am hhis real father....another story.) are getting along alot better, I am much calmer and peaceful. I'm getting a piece of me back that I thought was gone. I feel like I wrote a novel on that and I am so very sorry if you are not interested or if it bores you but it sure does feel good to get it out and know that one person may read it.
New Subject, I have two questions and I am going to ask you to forgive me beforehand for not knowing. What the heck is "Huzzah!" and what does "Right ho, then." mean?
Hope you got through this without falling asleep.
Jeremy
In answer to your questions: "Huzzah" is just an exclaimation. I typically use it sarcastically, so it would mean something like "well, this is awful, but I'm laughing anyway" but depending on context it could also be taken as "Yay!!". "Right ho, then" is a British /Irish expression something like our "OK". Oh and as for hard knocks - I think you might have gotten the wrong impression of what I meant. I intended to say that Life has given me a few hard knocks, not that my parents or others have. *grins*
Thank you so much for writing that out!! I'm, quite honestly, thrilled that you're feeling at peace and that you're getting back with God. I read through what you wrote several times and I'm still grinning ear to ear! God has the greatest sense of humor and such an awesome love for all of us!
As for sinning, who doesn't?! I'd encourage you to look at the story of Matthew (Matthew 9:9-13), when he first became a disciple. The guy had been a tax collector when one day Jesus walked up and told him, "Follow me". Now, Jewish tax collectors were about the sleeziest slimeballs you could find - they were more or less traitors against their people whose jobs it was to cheat as much money out of the Jews as they could. Matthew was not many people's idea of a good candidate for one of the top twelve Christians, but Jesus chose him anyway. Matthew accepted & ended up writing his own gospel!
The thing is, he probably felt a lot like you think you would about changing his life around. He obviously talked to Jesus about it because Jesus came up with an idea. "Invite all your friends to your house for a dinner! I want to meet them!"
Jesus loves us for who we are. He doesn't want you doing spiritual double-back-flips in an attempt to please Him. If you'll let me use a metaphor, let me compare Christianity to a long road trip. We're going along "the road of Life". The thing is, we're not the one's in the driver's seat - that's God. We're the toddlers strapped into our carseats, abstractly kicking the back of His seat, even though we know it annoys Him to no end. Our job isn't to read the map! It's to sit back and try our very hardest not to bug God (a.k.a. sin) while He gets us where He knows we'll have the greatest time.
The thing is, He's our dad. He forgives us when we forget and "kick the seat" - but He will remind us not to do it, because we love Him and He loves us back. That's what relationships are about, thinking about & caring for the other person; doing our best to make them happy.
Anyway! Now it's my turn to hope YOU didn't fall asleep! *grins sheepishly* Also, thank you. You've helped me a good bit even just because you expect me to be honest and to face up to things. You've also made me laugh and smile. Thanks a ton for that. Finally, I have a really random question: are you still working at Sears Tech? *grinning*
Cilla
Oh and as for the 67" thing - you said you were 67 inches tall and said that makes you 5 feet 7 inches. That's not right. 67 divided by 12 is 5.583, making you 5 foot 6. That's what I meant by "67" isn't 5'7" ".
Cilla
Sorry, just realized what cruddy math skills I have put on the table! :(
I somehow managed to forget that 1/2 of 12 is 6. You were right, 67" is five feet, 7 inches. *sheepish look*
I guess I'd better go back to basic Arithmatic, huh?
"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
*tears* That's me...I wouldn't have the courage to invite my friends to dinner with Jesus, a third would embarrass me, another third wouldn't show up and the last third doesn't believe and would try to berate him if they could even get past the hatred and just show up. I can't even talk to any of my friends about my religous beliefs. I don't even know if I could talk to Penelope about any of it. Actually I know I could but it's never been done. She may think I'm losing my mind. I'm looking for the end of that tunnel though and I do know he works in mysterious ways. I'm just waiting to understand. Does that ever come?
Penelope is my better half by the way. Sorry for not introducing her earlier. I just didn't want to pour myself on you. I remember a comment you made about people having a tendency to do that with you. I didn't want to be another notch in that belt but you really do help.
Your metaphor was great. I do have a question though, What if I didn't allow you to use it? You used it anyway. lol
It put some things into perspective for me. I can relate to the child in the back seat kicking the back of the front seat. Drives me crazy! {=0)
I don't feel like I have done anything for you and that may go back to never getting credit and now never wanting credit but you are very welcome for the laughs and smiles. I do love your honesty and how you face up to things. I don't expect it though, I'm not allowed to expect anything from anyone until I catch up to my expectations for myself. I'm a long way off but I know I will be there one day.
So the job thing. hmmmm lol
No, I am not at Sears anymore. They closed down my unit. It's sad, every job I have had since moving to Austin (and I moved her for work) has closed its doors due to bankruptcy. Technology jobs took a huge hit here after 9/11. I haven't really worked much since July 2002. I have become very close with Morgan and have been able to spend so much time with him it is unbelievable. That is something I strongly believe in. Child before work. It was opposite when I was growing up and I will NOT make the same mistakes with Morgan that were made with me. So at this point I am in no rush to work although Penny is in a rush for me to work. I have been very blessed in life as far as work goes and bills being paid. Like you said of yourself, things come to you easily. (Regarding smarts) so it doesn't take much effort to get tasks finished. I have a very strong work ethic, pay extremely close attention to detail and am very loyal to whoever I work for. I just wish I was networked like you but I am wary of people.
Now on to that Math lesson, 12+12+12+12+12=60 Therefore 7 is left over. 60+7=67. *stickin tongue out at you*
And I would never fall asleep reading what you have to say.
Take Care,
Jeremy
Not just a great calender, he's a math whiz too!! *grins sheepishly* Thanks for the lesson, Jeremy. I must warn you that the comment ahead is a bit disjointed, so fasten your seatbelt!
"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." (Psalms 31:24)
You know what it feels like to live it alone. You know exactly what (and Who) you need. I don't know much about your life, but I do know one thing: as hard as you're looking for God, He's looking for you harder. Regardless of how many things you're afraid of and/or for (friends or even family, circumstances, anything at all), He's ready to help you through more. No matter what you've done wrong or just feel you've done wrong, God knew you'd do them before you were even born, and He forgave them almost 2000 years ago now!
As for what you asked about understanding - yes, it comes. Often it gets to us a good while after we've gone through "whatever", but if you ask Him for peace I can promise you that God will give it to you. I can promise you that because He promised it (John 14:27 & other verses) to everyone and has fulfilled it so many times with me that I can't doubt Him. My whole family has been sleeping in tents and being ripped apart (mostly in court) by someone who decided to destroy us just because we were around, but God gave us peace when we asked and He brought us through it to the other side. He'll do whatever it takes for you.
If you didn't want the metaphor, you should've closed your eyes and skipped a paragraph! :p
Bummer about your job at Sears; but it is great that you've been able to turn that lack of work around and pour into your son's life - that really is fantastic. I know that, especially with the work-a-holics we are in America, it's often hard for parents to spend enough time with their kids and it is really great of you to make sure you've got the time to invest in yours. I'll be praying for you about the job situation though.
"I didn't want to be another notch in that belt..."
Don't even think like that - I don't wear belts! If I can help you out in any way, I will. You seem the type of person that'll return the favour if I ever need it, so thanks in advance for that! *grins* In the meantime, consider me a friend. (A rather blunt one, perhaps, but I'm trying.)
Cilla
I have soooo much to say to you at this point but I can't right now.
A friend is here and I don't want to be rude. This friend is somewhat of a non believer and the unthinkable happened and you have to know about it. I can't now, she's in there.
When I get the chance I'm going to let it flow.
Does God get tired of hearing Thank You?
Can't wait to hear all about it!
I really don't know the answer to your question, but I do know that I've not gotten tired of telling Him thank you!! We'll have to ask Him when we see Him! *grins*
Cilla
~~~Calendar~~~
Time: 03:21:43
Date: Monday, March 21, 2005
Math whiz I doubt. Spatial mathematics and thinking, yes. Algebra, Trigonomawhatetry, calcuhuh?
"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." (Psalms 31:24)
I'm going to be completely honest, my mind could not really grasp that scripture. I am normally very good at picking out meaning but if you wouldn't mind, please explain that one to me.
Matthew 9:9-13 grabbed me in an instant though. Then what to me was a miracle happened. A friend came over, she had a very rough life. Abusive alcoholic father, mother died at 14 and she was on her own since. She has basically disowned God. Always makes remarks regarding Him that I don't care for yet don't speak up about just because I like to keep the peace. Path of least resistance is for me. Anyway, I had the Bible still out (yes it took me a bit to find it, the cover is even crumpled from when I got 'mad' at God around the age of 13.) and when she saw it she looked at me funny and asked why I had that out. (I guard myself so don't let people in on those types of beliefs I have regarding life and God so she was surprised.) Without even having to look again I opened the Bible to Matthew 9:9-13 and told her to read. She at first hesitated and said, "I'm not reading that I can't understand that shit!" I told her to just read it and she did!! This very mentally disturbed person who has disowned God and forsaken him forever had a Bible in her hand and was reading scripture!! She read the passage and I was able to explain it to her how you explained it to me. The feeling I got while she was reading was joy and that darn overwhelming emotion that makes me want to cry. Being a guy I have come to learn to allow my eyes to swell just a little and force the rest back but the feeling is still the same. I felt the power, it was there. I feel that tingle and overwhelming emotion alot. In the past I have accepted it as my Grandmother but somehow just realized it is my Grandmother and God. They are apart and one in the same in a way right?
John 14:27
First let me say I am sorry your family has had to go through rough times. This is one reason why (although I had it bad) I cannot stand to speak about it because there are so many people out there that have it so much worse than I could imagine. I hope things are and will stay better for you and your family.
Second, that scripture also seems to be true in my case. He has given me so much peace and I think it may have been in the form of meditation. My will and desire to learn how to relax and meditate. And he gave it to me in a way the world did not because meditation is still not (although it is growing) a common practice in the western cultures.
The job at Sears was finished. I honestly believe my reason for being there was to meet (what to me was an angel) the lady that grabbed my hand and told me abut my light. I kick myself everyday for being afraid of her. I wanted to talk to her soo bad and learn so much from her but I was scared. The time finally ran out and I will not have the chance again. I do learn from my mistakes though and I now know how to look for obvious signs. Well, I think I do.
It is great to not work and have that time with Morgan but it does add stress as far as money goes. What a horrible thing that money is. America has also become way too fast. It breaks my heart alot just thinking about how times are changing, in my eyes, for the worse. I remember structured family life....back in the day....it also amazed me that I read on one of your posts about "Teen Night." Thanks for thought of praying for me. If you can squeeze it in I would be greatful. {=0)
Excuse me? You don't wear belts? Give me one minute here miss thang!!
http://photobucket.com/albums/v121/priscilla200114/me%20myself%20and%20i/?action=view¤t=Cilla_GreenJersey.jpg
Check that out an then tell me what you have to say. Also, the two new pictures are cute. {=0)
In hopes of not sounding like a psycho net stalker you are very beautiful.
About the favor (favour), there's no need for one in order to receive one from me. I'd do most anything for anybody. Especially someone such as yourself that has made me see more in one week than anyone has made me see in a longtime.
I considered you a friend the moment we first replied to each other. No need to be trying either. Stay blunt.
Jeremy
*laughs* See, I knew I should throw in the clarifying "that kind of" in front of "belts"! Oh well!
As for Psalm 31, in it David is declaring how utterly overwhelmed he is. It's his cry to God to pay attention to him and pull him out of the hole he's in. He ends it with praise. Verse 24 is the last verse and it's an encouragement to people in general. To "take heart" is defined by Webster's dictionary as to gain courage or confidence. So, having gone the long way round, I can say that this verse is an encouragement for anyone who knows/is seeking God; reminding them that He is almighty and we can gain courage, confidence and strength from Him.
I'm having the same reaction you did about your friend! Oi, that is so great! I'm also glad that God reminded me of Matthew while I was talking to you - He's really awesome, isn't He?!
As for my family and I going through rough times, don't worry about it. God really knew what He was doing. It's driven my whole family closer to Him and especially me, who had gotten a bit lost in PA and was more religious then Christian. He got us through it and more importantly got our eyes back on Him. It's also helped me in terms of being more compassionate for the exact same group you mentioned: folks that have it worse then me. (One of the major reasons I visit the orphanage, the other being that I love kids!) Things are better and are constantly getting better, we're amazed by God's provision (I'll really have to tell you sometime!)
The two new pics I took randomly because it was 1AM and I was so exhausted that any and everything was funny - including anything I could mess up on my webcam! I was actually planning to post one of them in LJ instead of writing a post and then just tell people to guess my mood (reason they're online in the first place), but I decided against it. I forget why, but I think it had something to do with my beanbag...(which is where I sleep)
Thanks for the compliment and I'll try to remember that you're not a psycho. *grins* As for staying blunt - I doubt there's any danger of my changing! I'm now left wondering if that's a good thing or not though...
*musing*
Cilla
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