ouch

It really hurts, Gar. I've got peace, but I've still got to go through this grieving process, because I've lost my best friend. You're leaving me. That hurts more then anything else because, even though I knew it might happen, you'd convinced me that it wouldn't.
Everything has changed. I can't even sleep the same way, because I can't "hug". I can't wake the same way, because I can't wish you "goodmorning". I can't call you "my Gar". I can't say that I need you or that you mean everything to me. I have to keep rebuking these silly things telling me, "Well, you both said you weren't good enough for each other, but I guess you were the one that was right, huh, Cilla?"

No matter what I can't have you as, I pray that you'll consider me a friend. Right now, this hurts, but God will get me through it. Once He does, while He does, I want to have you as my friend. I still believe that God made us friends; and I don't care who you marry as long as you're really honest with me about what I am. If I'm nothing to you, then I'll go. If you want me to stay as your friend, just tell me.