bittersweet

I woke up this morning around 5.30 and lay awake until I heard someone in the kitchen, at which point I literally bounced out of bed and commenced my chatterbox routine!! Spent most of the morning in wonderful spirits and my pjs. Having played a couple video games as pathetically as I usually do, I was happily bubbling on about something when Krys came in and pinched me. I have to admit that I was almost a week behind (honestly believed today to be the 13) and so spent a few minutes kicking myself for forgetting your birthday before Nia, Krys, and Patrick subdued me and promised that I could send an e-card. Having sent it, I've been in a fine mood all day and really happy.

I'm really glad someone told me what day it was. I would hate for you to think that your telling me that I can't be your best friend has completely stopped our friendship. Today is really a bittersweet day for me, because it's the first birthday you've had since we met that I've not sent you something and called you just to talk. You're not as "emotional" as I am and it's possible that you wouldn't even have noticed if I didn't tell you happy birthday; but I am so glad I don't have to use that as reassurance for completely forgetting what used to be the most important day on my calender. I'm sorry for not sending a present on time, Gar. I really hope you stop feeling guilty quickly, because you're a great friend and I'm missing you a lot.

I accidentally ran across an email you sent last year that I'd failed to delete. Reading it, well, it hurt. Only a short little email saying something in the way of "thank you just for putting sunshine in my day", etc. Sometimes I wish I could change the past, or even just the future, you know? God's got me, but I still wish that you wouldn't just entirely shut me off; that you'd still talk to me occasionally. I thought we'd agreed that the friendship was too important to lose just because it would need to change? It really hurts when you shut me out, Gar. God knew what He was doing though and I ended up singing along with a song that "happened" to come on just as I was starting to feel low: D. O'Donnell's The Greatest Love ("There was a time when I was sad and lonely / In my distress I called upon the Lord / He heard my cry and told me that He loved me / Now I'm not sad and lonely anymore").

I'm back in a fine mood (not my usual usage of the word "fine"! Translate this one "really good") guitar went well and I'm safely home. I spent the past 19 hours all over Jax. Probably the most memorable incident occured after we'd been "jamming" at home. We went to Starbucks (where I managed to mispronounce "gauge" during a polite conversation with some guy about his earrings...how did I do that??!) and got a laugh out of the way the guy behind the counter couldn't decide which of the three of us he should stare at. If the whole event hadn't been so comical it would have been annoying. We got an free mocha frappachino out of it though (too many ingredients mixed in was what he said), so that was nice. I'm in a very good and highly random mood right now. Hmm...rather than re-type this a bjillion times and ways, I think I'll paste and paraphrase the first and last paragraphs into LJ. Huzzah.