Bitter -- 12 STONES

Before I face another day
Won't you let me stay asleep,
Lost among the dreams that always comfort me
And before I find my feet
Won't you show me what I need
What I need to walk again

This bitter pill is pushing me away
And now I feel like there's nothing left to say
And I pretend to look the other way
But in the end will I be okay?
Will I be okay?

I don't know why I'm listening to this song right now, but I like it pretty well (at least thismorning!) and so the playlist that's blaring from my speakers today includes it.

On to a completely different topic: I know the people who attacked me, my friends, and my God are hurting; but somehow I've been wondering inside exactly why they hate so much. I've also wondered why they couldn't have come across someone more saintly then little me - who felt like tearing their heads off when they started attempting to hurt the ones I love. I was even stuck weighing out whether or not it would damage my witness too terribly to rip into them and tell them that they are poorly educated, cannot spell, and couldn't find a logical argument if they searched with both hands and the yardsticks they've got stuck up their backsides; citing examples from their own correspondence and journals.

I can't do that. The very fact that I wanted to showed me how much I've been relying on me to take care of problems. I wanted to protect my friends and keep them from getting hurt when THAT IS NOT MY JOB! My job is to protect them insofar as I can, naturally, but it's not to make their lives perfect. Trials strengthen faith and God has the whole situation well in hand. I need to remember that and follow His advice.

I wish so badly that these folks would stick to talking rationally and not be so devoted to baseless taunts. We might have got somewhere then! All they wanted to do is attack the nearest Christian; that happened to be me. After their rants had little to no affect beyond turning us into evangelism mode, they ran. I don't mind debates, in fact I rather enjoy them, but I despise dirty fighting. I can't understand the logic and motivation behind these people. They want everyone to tolerate, accept and even revere them for their beliefs (although they are the minority) and then, at the same time, they want everyone holding different beliefs to be verbally assaulted or even physically shot.

This annoys me. I wish I could come across clearly to them and make them understand that all I want is to talk with them. They don't want to be proven wrong (concerning both their preassumptions about me and about my faith) and so they won't even get into an elementary discussion. I want to say that people like this aren't worth my time; but something inside reminds me that if they're worth God's very life they're surely worth a little of time and frustration on my part. He died for them as much as He did for me. If He hadn't rescued me I'd probably be in the same place as them.
Lord, help.