Right now, I'm listening to Switchfoot's Only Hope. It's a song about being unable to express one's heart; about trusting God "in the infinite cold"; about God's love and comfort. I feel so very lonely right now. Even so, I know my Lord is with me.
I read a statement once that I immediately knew applied to me: that those who ride the highest highs also reach the lowest depths. I have been both places many times. I've found that these troughs bring me closer to God and that they're often quite small - I wasn't named "Joy" for no reason! He never fails to bring me back up, but these times when I let my emotions have their play and allow them to swamp me - simply because if I restrain them, I'd end up a robot - are hard on me. These are the times that I want to lean up against a friend and just have them there. I don't want to talk (even though I usually end up writing to get it all out); I just want to cuddle.
Ach, Lord, hold me tight. Hold me tight again, because I don't know what on earth is going on. I am tired and so very confused. Be my strength, Father. You have called me "little Israel"; You have promised that You would uphold me and work Your plan through me. Right now, I don't feel like a conqueror. I feel like a little, lost child. Find me, Lord, wherever I am. Embrace me, let me cry in relief and in comfort; let me weep into Your shoulder as You squeeze tightly and run Your hand through my hair. Remember how small I am and that You are the only reason I can stand. Carry me, Lord, and let me rejoice in You.
No comments:
Post a Comment