laugh at me - I really do deserve it - but forgive. reality's a blur for me; it tires and confuses. memories are easily found, old friend, and dreams are much less complicated than thought. we've had fun, have we not? the future is unimaginable; it's not mine to plan. if I consider it, I'm caught; I'm lost. there's so much I don't understand and can't reconcile. nothing but this moment is mine, and in this moment you're not here. today I am happy. today I am lonely. today I am lovely.
today I am insane.
O, Father, remember that I'm a little fool, but that I love You most of all. Claim my heart. You know everything; You have everything; You are everything. Keep me. Hold tight.
REMEMBER ME ACCORDING TO YOUR LOVE.
I'm wearied with reality. I ache with viewing the inevitable. I'm worn with feeling. I'm riddled with apathy. I want - quite simply - to love and to rest. There is so much inside me right now - roiling, recoiling, pushing, exploding - that I am afraid to come into Your presence. You will let it all out, I know. I don't know if I could bear that. There are things inside me that I do not see; when I come into Your presence, they are revealed. They burn me. Like Adam, I want to fall asleep and have what must be removed for Your creation unconsciously evicted. I want to fall into Your arms. I want to drop my guard in safety.
"Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done ..."
Deep calls to deep
in the roar of Your waterfalls;
all Your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
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