Father, I feel so stymied. Isn't it odd that it would take someone else's announcing their failings (thereby giving my soul a jerk) to get me what I've been so earnestly seeking: this stronger connection with You. I'm beginning to understand what Paul meant when he said that we rejoice in hard times! They make me hurt, even when they're other people's hard times, but I seek You out with all my heart and You recieve me back again so very gently and lovingly.
What right have I to be hurt because someone else messed up? None. Absolutely none. Why am I so swayed by it then? Because I love my friends, all of them, and it hurts me to see them messed over - even by themselves. I hurt inside even when I see or hear about complete strangers that aren't living Your way. It seems to hurt people so much when they do that. I can't relate to most of the sin, but I hurt inside even just because I know that it hurts You deeply; and these folk treat it so cavalierly. You say it's like they're putting You up on the Cross again, nailing You down, beating You. That makes me feel like crying; it's one of the main reasons I try so hard not to "grieve the Holy Spirit". I'm not trying to be the world's policeman or a self-righteous jerk - I'm not saying I'm any better. It just hurts me inside and I end up crying and begging You to forgive them and me and everyone else involved and to please guide us. Oi, Lord, please help.
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