thinking

I first started to try to get back with God because I needed to help people. Then I realized that I needed God more then I did people. After that, I started to realize that God provides the people when I do my best to follow Him. Once I realized this, I was amazed to see that I value the relationships I have more then ever before, just because they were given to me by God. Every friend I have is such an incredible blessing to me; and I seem to be getting more all the time!

I'm surprised by this quite regularly because it's often a struggle for me to get along with other people. There are two reasons for that. Reason One: although I'm very outgoing, I'm also the poster child for "Private: Don't Ask". I'd learned that it's wise to test people before trusting them. The funny thing about this is that I took it to the extreme (because I was relying on myself and not God to provide my friends). I've finally learned to trust again, and even though it's a battle for me, God is more than faithful.

The second reason is that I have a very volitile temper. I've had to learn, over many years of "screwing up", to keep it in check. Not everyone that gets me mad (so I've found) was trying to, the world is NOT out to get me, and it is more then possible for God to teach me to keep my cool. I'm still in the stage where I need to pull what my mom thought for ages was a "pacifistic, self righteous look" so as to keep from losing it, but I've learned. Mostly. *grins*

Regardless of how well I keep my temper, I'm still fighting with my Self over what I get annoyed with. Little things seem to bother me more then big ones, for example: I find it easy to laugh or roll my eyes when someone takes out their frustration at something else on me; but my sister and her 2-year-old son moving into my room is hard for me to handle. The messes they make just by existing and the fact that I can't have rule and reign in this space from 5AM to 11PM annoys me more then a punch in the face would! God's still working on this & it's been much easier then I thought it would be, but prayer wouldn't hurt!!

In any case, thank God for my friends and, oh, by the way - did you know that my Gar is coming home in 8 days?!