"does the world change itself, or do we change our world"
A little bit of both, I think, and something more. We affect our world(s) in much the same way that every other person around us does. This globe is a crucible of souls and destinies. It's inevitable that some things you do would affect me, that some things I do would affect you, and that some things both of us do will interact. Whether at the end that nullifies or makes more intense the results of you and I separately "doing something" is irrelevant: we contribute. Everything does something; all roads lead somewhere.
The world changes, too. People come in and go out of it. Things happen - the effects of everybody doing something or nothing, natural events and supernatural ones - to change the course of history, the face of the planet, and the destiny of Mankind and the men and women that form it.
More than that, we change in the world. Every person's perspective is different - how, if I myself am a different person Today than I know I was last year or ten years ago, can my perception of what is not change to match? How much of the change I see "in the world" is really a change in how I look at what there is to see?
And where's the hand of God in all this?
Feb 11, 2012
Feb 5, 2012
belleza salvaje
There's something to be said for maintaining a chronicle of one's thoughts across the years: one can go back and see who was and who is. It's like taking time-progression photography to your soul: the changes of a year unfold in seconds. What's unchanged stands clear, almost strange contrasted with a hundred sudden outbreaks.
Unchanged: my love of people, outgoing shyness, need to be special, inward focus, dislike of being proven wrong, addiction to You, and desire to know (any and everything, but especially myself and what I OUGHT to do - what is BEST).
Changed: my self-doubt (specifically per appearance), posting of prophecies/spiritual victories, belief that doing right = safety, confidence that I am Right, expectation for instant returns, and much of my selfishness.
You have made me quieter - more gentle. You have made me pay attention to what they are saying - You've made me feel more deeply. You've taught me never to lose my temper, to apologize for what OTHERS think or feel about my actions (not just give them my reasons for acting). You've broken my self-righteousness - You've shattered me into understanding.
I am gracious, because of Your grace toward me. I am confident - two parts to this: everyone around me amazed, and Your statements that their amazement or lack of it means nothing. I am gentle, because You rebuilt the Me that shattered on a very different plan.
Once upon a time, I offered You all of me.
You were very clear that I would suffer. You asked if I would change.
I asked if You'd be with me. You said You'd never go.
Today, I see You in me ... and I see Me.
So much of my faith is so broken. I am so tired of holding on to promises You gave me that I have seen die and be brought back to life until each new miracle is just another reason to fear that the corpse that's now again my living child will die tomorrow in my arms. Yet, in spite of that feeling, I have consistently seen You involved in my life in solid, incontrovertible, and amazing ways. I have seen You present and active. I have watched each time time these dreams die, and I have seen You bring them back to life.
I am learning Your truth: You take the raw materials and put them in the furnace.
We melt to nothing; then and only then can You take what is and make what is to be.
Refined by fire, was was is nothing like what will be: You turn rough ore to silver.
Everything I am is changing / has changed. But that's okay.
You know, just like You knew, and You will never leave.
You will make me/break me/change me. At the end, everything You see in me will be.
And I'll be remade whole once I've been fully broken.
Unchanged: my love of people, outgoing shyness, need to be special, inward focus, dislike of being proven wrong, addiction to You, and desire to know (any and everything, but especially myself and what I OUGHT to do - what is BEST).
Changed: my self-doubt (specifically per appearance), posting of prophecies/spiritual victories, belief that doing right = safety, confidence that I am Right, expectation for instant returns, and much of my selfishness.
You have made me quieter - more gentle. You have made me pay attention to what they are saying - You've made me feel more deeply. You've taught me never to lose my temper, to apologize for what OTHERS think or feel about my actions (not just give them my reasons for acting). You've broken my self-righteousness - You've shattered me into understanding.
I am gracious, because of Your grace toward me. I am confident - two parts to this: everyone around me amazed, and Your statements that their amazement or lack of it means nothing. I am gentle, because You rebuilt the Me that shattered on a very different plan.
Once upon a time, I offered You all of me.
You were very clear that I would suffer. You asked if I would change.
I asked if You'd be with me. You said You'd never go.
Today, I see You in me ... and I see Me.
So much of my faith is so broken. I am so tired of holding on to promises You gave me that I have seen die and be brought back to life until each new miracle is just another reason to fear that the corpse that's now again my living child will die tomorrow in my arms. Yet, in spite of that feeling, I have consistently seen You involved in my life in solid, incontrovertible, and amazing ways. I have seen You present and active. I have watched each time time these dreams die, and I have seen You bring them back to life.
I am learning Your truth: You take the raw materials and put them in the furnace.
We melt to nothing; then and only then can You take what is and make what is to be.
Refined by fire, was was is nothing like what will be: You turn rough ore to silver.
Everything I am is changing / has changed. But that's okay.
You know, just like You knew, and You will never leave.
You will make me/break me/change me. At the end, everything You see in me will be.
And I'll be remade whole once I've been fully broken.
Feb 4, 2012
lazarus is dying
something in You breaks something in me
( the something in me that is screaming )
the Me that's in charge, the Me that knows best
the Me that forever keeps planning
something in You rips something from me
( pierced through and bloody and dying )
I fall down and fountain this rupture
and Your wounding bleeds out my dreams
but something in me realizes it's You
( perhaps just because You do tell me )
so broken and weary, lost and undone
I yield. I die at Your hand.
Your hand, which raises the dead.
( the something in me that is screaming )
the Me that's in charge, the Me that knows best
the Me that forever keeps planning
something in You rips something from me
( pierced through and bloody and dying )
I fall down and fountain this rupture
and Your wounding bleeds out my dreams
but something in me realizes it's You
( perhaps just because You do tell me )
so broken and weary, lost and undone
I yield. I die at Your hand.
Your hand, which raises the dead.
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