Desidirata

What now, Father? I keep thinking I've done everything ... then remembering that You're doing everything ... then wondering how much longer, how much more, how much ... well, You know. You do know. Make what I'm trying to be (obedient, free, not overthinking or overstressed, beloved) into what I am. Better still, make me whatever You want.

You told me "relax". I am earnestly trying. You told me "enjoy". That's not a difficult thing. I asked You to unmask me. Everyone knows; no one hears "stop". Instead, my father has dreams, my friends get prophecies, and my church is entranced and supportive. You said "Walk in the understanding you have; remember the Scriptures." I've been walking and praying and walking and crying and walking and spinning - I'm trying.

This is utterly beyond me - You know that! This is only possible if You do it. That's the way You work! I'm tired of thinking I've come to the end of the journey, of cresting the hill and seeing another before me. I can walk - Your strength is limitless - but, Father, this is calling and pulling at my heart. Make straight Your path and teach me to walk in it.

What next, Lord? Give me favor, here. Hold tight!

Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

( Lamentations 3:21-26 )